One of the things I struggle with the most about this job,
is not allowing myself to get sucked into other people’s emotions. It is
difficult for me to be around people when they are unhappy or uncomfortable.
Most of the students at Red Cliff are unhappy, so I’m learning not to take on
other people’s issues or be reactive to things that don’t truly concern me. It’s
a struggle to be happy when students throw negative energy around or if they
are in constant need of reassurance.
I’ve realized that often I get into circular conversations
with students, where they complain, I explain, and they make the same
complaint. Then I try to reword my explanations or reassurance hoping to reach
them, but usually they respond by rewording their discomfort. I’m learning to
see these cycles and just cut off the conversation. It’s not worth my energy if
a student is not ready to change or entertain other perspectives.
I see how this difficulty I have with my job is a similar
difficulty I have with my relationships. I’m always trying to fix something. I
have little patience when I see people making the same mistakes over and over again.
(Another common occurrence at work.) I’m starting to feel a change in myself
though. It keeps getting easier at work. I know this job is helping me be more
patient and accepting. After all, most people have to try try again, especially
with emotional learning. Once someone is aware of something, it takes a long
time to create a new emotional habit. Many people accept me where I’m at on my
journey, and I want to be more accepting of other people.
I recently read an idea in the book “Meditation as Medicine”
that people store emotions in their body. It takes a lot of work and time to
rid your body of emotions you would rather not hang on to. This helped me
realized how it’s possible to have an intellectual understanding of a situation,
but have an emotional reaction that didn’t serve me well. Perhaps I can have more patients for myself too.
