Adulthood - The First Ten Years

In June 2014, it was ten years since I graduated high school. Unfortunately, I didn’t go to my reunion. I always thought I would drop everything and go.  Part of me just wants to verify that I’m not the only one who is ten years older. Logic tells me that I’m definitely not aging alone, but I’d rather experience that for myself.

While my former classmates celebrated being ten years more accomplished, I moved across the country and went back to high school. This time, I’m a French teacher in Colonial Heights Virginia.

I’m in awe that it’s been ten years since I was a high school student. Some days I don’t feel any older or wiser than I was at 18. The rhythm of time is predictable and mundane. Despite this steady truth, I often forget that years have passed. When I remember, I feel surprised and nostalgic.  

I’ve been thinking about what I’ve done and haven’t done in the last ten years. Some things I planned and worked hard for like getting my bachelors, teaching in France, teaching in Korea, traveling around, and being an AmeriCorps volunteer.  The best things that happened were never part of my plan, and make me feel connected to a higher power, like getting married, living in Utah, and becoming a teacher.

I’m really excited about my new career. Looking from the perfectness of hindsight, I can see how every job that I’ve held has prepared me to be a high school teacher. Nothing could have prepared me for the level of “homework” I currently have though.

Road Trip Adventures

We packed up our car and moved away from Utah. It was our third trip driving cross-country, so we figured we were experts.

Our beautiful housemates made us delicious breakfast the day we left, and numerous friends stopped by. We felt blessed. There was a somber and gentle rain similar to those that fall in Washington State. The weather matched our sad feeling about leaving.

By the time we made our goal of getting to the boarder of Kansas and Colorado it was nearly midnight. GPS navigated us to a fairgrounds where we read that there were campsites. Dirty lies, there were no camping. Damn. Mike wanted to drive 30 more miles to find camping that our GPS suggested. I was done. I had no intention of driving further to find a campsite that may or may not exist. It was a long day and I was operating on less than 5 hours of sleep. I insisted that we throw down our sleeping bags on the lawn of a local church.

Day two our air conditioning created a puddle on the floor. We were grateful that the damage was no worse than that. Then we followed signs for camping near Columbia Missouri. Again, lies. No camping. Fortunately our frustration disappeared after a delicious diner and great conversation with several old friends. Our savvy friends knew of the perfect camping spot, and we had a great nights rest.

The third and fourth day we spent visiting friends and relaxing in St. Louis. It’s refreshing to catch up with old friends. I wish there were more opportunities to catch up with all the folks we’ve met along the way. St. Louis will always be extra special for Mike and I. I had to smile as we passed by the places where our romance first played out.

We got up early on day five for a big driving day toward New York. We were grateful for the rain, since our air conditioning could not be used. Just two hours from St. Louis, we spun out going 60-65 miles an hour in the right lane. Ridding in a car traveling in rapid and uncontrollable circles is terrifying. We were both sure we would flip. After our heart rate slowed, we were in awe at all the things that could have gone wrong.

We got on the highway and took the first exit. Luckily there was a mechanic there, who opened his doors early to take a look at our car. Even our car was unscathed. The only issue was that the insides of our back tires, under the wheel well, were bald and had ribbing showing through. We were shocked. Our tires aren’t very old, and a week previous they had been rotated and balanced. Nobody said anything about unsafe tires. The damage was invisible from the curbside. The mechanic thought that the issue was misalignment that caused uneven tire wear. He said the damage wouldn’t have happened on this trip. We bought some new tires and carried on. After several traffic and construction delays we made it to a pre-reserved campsite that Mike scouted out for us.

The last day of our journey, I was feeling a little superstitious. Every driving day something unexpected happened, and with increasing intensity. Happily this day broke the mold. We were so relieved to make it home to Mike’s parents without incident. We decided that not all adventures are fun, and that we are done driving cross-country.

Today we’re on our way to Germany and France for a two week trip to celebrate my friend’s wedding. May we only have enjoyable adventures.

Liars!

I’m a liar, and you’re a liar, and everyone you know is a liar. Perhaps you knew this, but it’s news to me.

One of the most valuable tools I learned while working Wilderness Therapy was a deeper understanding of dishonesty. When I thought critically about honesty, it didn’t take me long to realize that I’m regularly dishonest with myself and others.

This was an unsettling realization that directly opposed a years old identity that I had constructed for myself. Fortunately I ran into this TED talk that helped me feel normal. In “How to Spot a Liar” Pamela Meyer does a great job of explaining why people lie, how often they lie, and what the tell tale signs are.

Wilderness Therapy helped me conceptualize dishonesty as falling into three distinct categories.

 Lies of commission are outright lies. This is the most easily identifiable form of dishonesty. An example could be claiming to be sick when well in order to avoid work. Children are often caught in lies of commission. Perhaps they will claim they did not break something when in fact they did. The primary motivation behind lies of commission are avoiding responsibility, and saving face. In my observation, lies of commission seem to be the most offensive and generate the most distrust.

Lies of omission leave out information that would make the liar look bad, not including a relevant party on information that may be upsetting, or failing to correct a misconception. An example would be cheating on an exam or lover and never telling. Failing to correct a misconception could be if others assume that the fabulous dessert brought to a potluck was homemade and not clarifying that was picked up at a bakery. The most classic lies of omission start with the phrase, “Don’t tell Mom.” (or whoever). I’ve seen lies of omission start with not knowing how to handle a difficult situation, which is then stretched out to total avoidance. Most of the time when people lie via omission they fess up if someone is savvy enough to ask a direct question.

Lies of ascent happen when someone ‘goes along’ with something when truthfully they are uncomfortable or have an unexpressed dislike. People in this category are ‘people pleasers’. They have trouble saying no. Usually the liar perceives the socially desirable answer and aims for that. Lies of ascent can happen when there is a power over dynamic, as with bosses. Most often lies of ascent stem from a fear of rejection and a lack of confidence. 

Professional Gallery

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Mike couldn’t pass up the opportunity to hang in a professional gallery, sell a piece, and contribute to the local university. “Canyon Eve” is hanging in the Southern Utah University Braithwraite Fine Arts Gallery from February 20 – March 5, 2014. His piece is part of the online auction. Mike was invited to the live auction and fancy diner on March 6^th, but he’ll be in the field. All the pieces donated to this auction will benefit the opening of the Southern Utah Museum of Art.

 

Art for Groovefest!

Mike has been working diligently on his art, with the aspiration to be a professional artist in the near future. Recently he has had two opportunities to have paintings hang in the community.

The first of which is a benefit for Cedar City Groovefest. Mike donated his painting “Southern Utah River” to a silent auction located in Cedar City’s most charming coffee shop, The Grind

 

His art was in good Company.

  

Including our housemate, DaKishia Reid, who donated “Groove”.

Oh Christmas Tree!

My neighbor, Sariah, got a permit from the Bureau of Land Management to cut a Christmas tree directly from the woods. Luckily for me she invited me on this adventure. Christmas Vacation style, we did indeed cut the perfect tree from amongst thousands of trees big and small.

Braving waist deep snow.

We did remember the saw.

Then we trudged the tree up hill.

Trudgery entitles one to bask in the glory.

Christmas Carols and beautiful views made the drive home just as happy as the search for the perfect tree.

Later Sariah invited me to help her decorate! Here is the lovely result. Fortunately the tree does fit in her house. Although, there was a bit of a struggle to persuade the tree to stay straight in the stand. I really like how there is enough space near the trunk to hang ornaments all along the branch, not just on the ends.

 

I love finding a tree every chance I get, but this experience is absolutely the most fun I've had. It was exciting to be in the endless possibilities of the woods. We didn't see anyone outside of our group on this adventure, and he weather was great.  It was merely hovering around freezing on the fine day of the tree hunt. Being outside was liberating, after several days of being cooped up in negative 10 and below.

The Neighbors

These are our neighbors, at their house.

They are a clan of nine Chickens. The nine Chickens belong to a family of nine Children. At our house, our windows are like TV. The Children chase the Chickens and each other. It's a constant source of entertainment. Mike often hollers urgently to me, "Come here comehere COMEHERE! Hurry!." Inevitably something cute is happening. I regularly resiste the urge to take pictures of the Children. It doesn't seem ethical to take photos of other peoples kids without permission.

Sometimes the Chickens come visit us.

 

 

 They play in our yard, and raid our compost pile. These Chickens are adventurous. We've even seen them cross the road. This gives us much to contemplate.

Occasionally the Chickens invite themselves in.

Mike politely walks them out.

THE END