The last time I went into work, I dove in
for a double. That's sixteen consecutive days in the southern Utah
desert with troubled teenagers. I was really nervous about my capacity
to function well out there for so long. I thought I would become
reactive and impatient by the end of my two weeks.
Fortunately
I had the best possible double. The weather was mid 80's and clear the
entire time. Such a blessing. My group was very functional too. I would
say that I got a bit impatient, but the result was that I didn't put as
much energy into the kids. Which is fine, the students need to figure
things out for themselves, and I need to take care of myself.
During
my two weeks I worked with same girls group. It was great to be able to
get to know the students that much better. A few of the girls took a
little longer to open up. I was also better able to identify patterns
which were helpful to the students therapy.
There is no
reason for me to do a double again. Anyway, I don't think I could get so
lucky with the weather and the group twice. But I do feel stronger and
more capable.
One of the girls I worked with on my double,
Sally, was part of my shitty week. Sally is extremely manipulative,
rebellious, attention seeking, and volatile . Therapists suspect that
Sally has
boarderline personality disorder. It's important to keep
really solid boundaries with Sally and communicate
assertively.
It
took a long time and lots of testing for Sally to realized I wouldn't
flinch because she called me a bitch or cried or asked why. I had to
realize that the minute I tried to reason with Sally, then I was
empowering her. I had to state my directives confidently and then
disengage. By the end of two weeks Sally was mostly compliant.
This
job has helped me be more stable while others are feeling
uncomfortable. I hate it when people are mad at me; even when I know
that the angry person isn't being fair or logical. It's hard for me to
remain confident when someone is having an emotional outpour. This job
forces me to be more less emotional and have firmer boundaries, otherwise the
kids eat you alive. I need to carry these budding skills further. I
still have trouble with confidence and boundaries during hiking, and in
my personal life.
