Emotionally Reactive

One of the things I struggle with the most about this job, is not allowing myself to get sucked into other people’s emotions. It is difficult for me to be around people when they are unhappy or uncomfortable. Most of the students at Red Cliff are unhappy, so I’m learning not to take on other people’s issues or be reactive to things that don’t truly concern me. It’s a struggle to be happy when students throw negative energy around or if they are in constant need of reassurance. 

I’ve realized that often I get into circular conversations with students, where they complain, I explain, and they make the same complaint. Then I try to reword my explanations or reassurance hoping to reach them, but usually they respond by rewording their discomfort. I’m learning to see these cycles and just cut off the conversation. It’s not worth my energy if a student is not ready to change or entertain other perspectives.

I see how this difficulty I have with my job is a similar difficulty I have with my relationships. I’m always trying to fix something. I have little patience when I see people making the same mistakes over and over again. (Another common occurrence at work.) I’m starting to feel a change in myself though. It keeps getting easier at work. I know this job is helping me be more patient and accepting. After all, most people have to try try again, especially with emotional learning. Once someone is aware of something, it takes a long time to create a new emotional habit. Many people accept me where I’m at on my journey, and I want to be more accepting of other people. 

I recently read an idea in the book “Meditation as Medicine” that people store emotions in their body. It takes a lot of work and time to rid your body of emotions you would rather not hang on to. This helped me realized how it’s possible to have an intellectual understanding of a situation, but have an emotional reaction that didn’t serve me well. Perhaps I can have more patients for myself too.

Acceptance

   Nearly five years ago I started my blog. At that time I was struggling with letting go of college, nervous about moving to France, and heartbroken about the murder of my coach/friend. Accepting these turn of events was a challenge. I became keenly aware of how much accepting and letting go I needed to do in my life. I thought I would be better at it by now.

    I re-read my first blog entry. I'm still trying to synchronize my thoughts, values, and behavior patterns. Now I would add to that list, emotional patterns.

    An important developmental milestone for children is learning delayed gratification. Perhaps for adults, relinquishing expectations and rapid acceptance of the unchangeable is a parallel milestone of maturation. Some days I feel discouraged, and wonder when/if I'll get there.

    My job has been an intensive exercise for practicing acceptance. I become impatient and critical with the students more than I'd care to admit. Students make decisions that don't benefit them. It's my job to keep them safe, and guide them if they are receptive. If students aren't receptive to feedback, then I just keep them safe and wait for them to figure it out. Ideally I'd be waiting with love and patients.

    Ten years ago a show from the United Kingdom followed 6 students on their journey through Red Cliff. I thought I'd share this video with you so that you can catch a glimpse of where I spend my time, and meet the students who help me on my journey.

Down Time

 It feels nice to sit down and write a blog again. This is the first off shift that we spent in Cedar City since mid March. We've had family loss, a move, weddings, and a staff retreat. We've been to New York, Washington, and California. These last two and a half months have been big, beautiful, and a little overwhelming. Intense times always shows me a bit about "what's important now." Busyness allows me to see who adds to my life, and who requires extra energy. I'm grateful to have experienced so much so fast, and ready for a little less momentum for a while.

Summer is shaping up nicely in southern Utah. We have no plans to go anywhere but day hikes. There are some are art projects on our hearts and a garden starting to sprout.

Three Peak

This week last work week I had the opportunity to work with the adult group. They had all been there for a while, and were very invested in their therapy so they were easy to work with on an emotional level. On a physical level, I could barely keep up. 

These young men decided they wanted to take the three peak challenge; hiking the three tallest mountains in the field. This is a rare and wonderful opportunity. My colleague for the week has worked at Red Cliff for 2 years, and this was only his 3^rd three peak. Given the winter conditions, this was also his hardest three peak. For my part, it was my first week as a full staff, so I was very lucky to participate. My level of fitness was extremely low though. In my first three shifts, I was lucky to hike 5 miles a week. By contrast, this past week, the shortest hiking day was probably 5-7miles.

  

We started out at the base of Rose Mountain. It seems to be named after the numerous rose colored rocks that cover the trek. Rose Mountain is small, and without snow, but the rocks made it not such a fun climb.

 

From the top of Rose, we could see our second Mountain, Indian.

The day after Rose, we walked a little over 10 miles, across the valley, and in the snow to the base of Indian. We laid over a day due to weather. When we woke up and our shelter had become over two feet skinner due to snow accumulation against the wall. Our feet were pinned under snow, and everyone had scootched down so that their face would avoid a similar fate. 

Indian had the most outstanding views. It was 360 degrees, of mountains, and mountains beyond mountains. Unfortunately I forgot my camera, and have no photos. Although, it was probably a blessing, because about a quarter of the way up the mountain we started breaking snow trail through waist deep drifts. 

After peaking Indian we hiked just over 13 miles across the valley to our last goal, Steamboat. Steamboat was my favorite. There were lots of trees all the way up, just ready to give a hiker a hand. We broke snow for the last quarter of this hike. Trudging through the snow didn't bother us, because in the distance a pack of 11 mustangs was keeping an eye on us.