Camping

I spent an amazing week at camp with my AmeriCorps colleagues. My favorite moments were canoeing across a lake at dusk, finding a pretty little turtle, guitar songs, sports, metaphors, and fake mustaches. I enjoyed getting to know my colleagues so much. It’s a privilege to be around such inspirational people.

It was relieving to be far from the TV for a week. After five years without a TV I’ve found that it’s really challenging to be in a house with so many loud TV’s all the time. I don’t watch TV, but it still affects the atmosphere around me.

I also loved that people were much more in the moment at camp. Nobody had to go anywhere, or call anyone. What was engaging at the moment was all that mattered weather that was chatting with a friend, listening to music, dancing, finding a stick, or eating. Living in the present for every moment is a constant aim, but I have a lot of work to do. I need to develop more strength to be present in such a plugged in world.

A struggle I faced at camp was landing the canoes and getting everyone on shore. The landing wasn’t a quiet beach as I expected, and thus I worried about getting everyone on shore dry and safe. I also worried about the crew coming after us, and if they could depart dry. Being dry and safe was certainly a concern, but it wasn’t an unsurpassable goal. In retrospect getting wet would not have been tragic, but I was worried about it. I was an active participant in getting everyone on land safely and mostly dry, so I wasn’t aware of how deeply this landing worried me. I found out though when I got a headache. I assumed this headache was provoked by hunger and thirst so I acted accordingly, which led to nausea.

After I got sick the headache and the nausea abated of it’s own accord and I was able to coherently reflect on everything that led up to the nausea. I think the sickness was a physical reaction to worry that I didn’t fully acknowledge at the moment it arrived. Since I didn’t acknowledge the worry and deal with it my body had a strong physical reaction. This is not the first time this has happened to me, and I’m starting to think that it is weakness in my character.

My body letting me know something is up usually happens in the face of two competing emotions. In the case of camping my fear and worry was competing with my joy of being in the woods and the value I place on being a tuff girl. Being worried sick was not a joyous or tuff event for sure. The other competing emotions are that I think worry is useless because everything works out in the end.

Positivity is the foundation of my ever developing philosophy on life, thus I think I must repress a lot of negative emotions. Positivity has served me well, but I’m wondering how balanced my emotional climate is. Perhaps I need strategies to accept and be fully aware of all of my emotions while moving towards more and more pos itivity. Hmmm where to go…