Quarter of a Century!

Happy birthday to me! Two weeks ago I turned 25! I was thoroughly spoiled for my birthday :)

Twenty-five carries with it weight and breadth. I am unmistakably a “real adult” in my own mind and in they eyes of the world.

It isn’t until just before I left college that I started experimenting with labels like “woman” and “adult”. I’m comfortable with these titles now, and it is less surprising when older adults treat me as an equal. Though periodically I still don’t feel quite adult enough, like when I facilitate meetings with older more experienced folks, but I’m getting there.

My parents always said that being an adult was hard, but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it thus far. Adulthood arrived mostly all at once for them, and I imagine the cascade of responsibilities such as kids, “real jobs”, and homes must have been overwhelming. My adulthood has come in phases, and the new responsibilities have been thrilling. I get to buy whatever I want. I can come home whenever or if I want and I can move wherever I want. Bills, jobs, and doctor’s appointments were added gently enough that I wasn’t bothered, while kids are currently a non-issue.

I figured I had come of age relatively unscathed. The process has been subtle, and I’ve coped along the way, always so thrilled with my liberty that hardships have been barely perceptible.

For the past couple of years I have been observing that life is a little less exciting. More often I’m likely to view something as similar to other things. The little things that used to be so thrilling when I first left home have become everyday. As I age the highs aren’t quite as high, and initially this was disappointing, but lately I’ve discovered that the lows aren’t quite as low. I’m coming into a balance of sorts. My limits have expanded a lot since I was 18, and I’m much less reactive to any given circumstance. This is not to say that I don’t sometimes feel overly reactive and incapable of handling a situation, but the causes of these feelings are increasingly more complicated. Sometimes I pine for the days of ultra excitement in ordinary things like grocery shopping, but mostly I’m comforted by a new and evolving sense of groundedness.

It is only recently that I’ve been coming to terms with diminishing thrills, but I’ve been processing the changing nature of relationships subconsciously since I was about 16. At 16 I suspected every Christmas would be the last Christmas that all four of us kids would be together. Fortunately we had 4 more Christmases all together, and I was so grateful for each one that when the Christmas finally came when we were apart I could accept it with only a bit of nostalgia.

It was only last spring when I consciously realized that accepting relationship changes has been a challenge in my coming of age. This realization became obvious while re-reading Little Women when I cried because Meg married and left home. It’s not as if Meg leaving home was a surprise, I’ve read Little Women at least 10 times since 5^th grade, but it was only with age and experience that I finally understood Jo’s heartache at the changes in her family.

It’s also been challenging to watch as friends become distant while work and romance increasingly take center stage. These changes are confusing, even when I am an active participant, but I imagine that clarity will come on the coattails of new experiences. I'm excited for the future, and I'm alive in the present.