Simple Life

Wilderness Therapy, farm life, and the Peace Corps experience are often glamorized as the simple life. No distractions, no internet, just taking it slowly, and focusing on the important stuff. It’s true that the important stuff becomes the primary focus. There is hardly any choice. Wilderness experiences are process and survival oriented. To eat; wood must be found, broken, and hauled. Then the fire pit must be dug, the coal bowed, and finally blown into flame. Preparing to eat requires a remarkable amount of time. Surviving is hard, dirty work. The process of surviving allows time for thinking and constant connection with those around you. All work is done as a collective. Eating a hot meal twice a day, striking camp, hiking to a new camp, and setting up camp is a full day’s work. Still the students must make space for phase work, relaxing, writing letters, and helping their peers. Wilderness is very busy. 

By contrast the simplicity of modern conveniences disconnects the average person from the work of living. Heating a home and food is effortlessly clean with the flip of a switch. The switch disengages the flipper with the actual process of getting warm. Water for baths warms in seconds. An entire load of dishes are sanitized and dried via machine. Cars transport people in a fraction of the time walking or biking requires. Cars also enable people to effortlessly schlep all kinds of stuff. People from high income countries are not required to decide what is important because it is no trouble to throw a few extra things in the car. Indeed, technology makes most everything easier and faster, yet it is not considered the simple life. Life in a developed country offers abundant relief from challenging environmental factors yet gratitude for that relief is lacking.

If conveniences make survival less time consuming, then life in the era of technology should be the more relaxed pace of life. There should be ample time to bond with loved ones, hold politicians accountable, be creative, take care of our health, pursue hobbies, prepare really good meals, and engage with community. Somehow most people are lacking time most of the time. People are stressed and disconnected from one another. Endemic Illness and addiction are symptoms of chronic stress and loneliness.

To flip a switch discourages interdependence. You don’t need your neighbor, your children, or your spouse to physically survive in a modern society. It’s challenging to get down to the character of someone when you only see them flipping a switch. Disconnection is extremely burdensome and lonely. If there is a trauma, it is that much more challenging to overcome in the absence of enriching community. People turn to substances, work, and entertainment to alleviate boredom and discontent. Wilderness is experiential education and therapy. Everyday survival activities, like breaking wood and digging a fire pit help students to learn gratitude and joys of authentic, loving connections. Surviving and helping one another gives students a sense of purpose. Along the way students process about how they got to where they were, and what need they were trying to fulfill. In the wilderness, students explore how to lead whole hearted lives.

Wanted to Share

A friend of mine shared this post with me called "because i'm a twentysomething" from the blog "Today was Meaningful."

This post was really timely for me and many of my friends. I'm always attracting the same kind of friend. They are all special and unique people, but if I were to place them in a category, they would all be in the same one. The category of friend I'm drawn toward is "Whole Hearted Passionate Artist Adventurer" Yes, that is all one title.

This free-spiritedness was charming for a few years, but some loved ones are starting to worry about those of us who are getting closer to thirty. Us near thirty or early thirty somethings are feeling worry creep up in ourselves too. It's weird to worry, and not in our nature. We are worrying about if we'll find our dream job, and moreover, if we'll actually get paid a living wage for it. We're worrying if we'll find partners before we're biologically too mature to have kids, or if we'll have the money situation squared away while we're young enough to have babies. This quarter-life crises thing never ends, it just keeps coming in waves of angst followed by calm.

Work, and the things work invites into our lives is a constant topic of exploration for us adventurers. Several weeks ago, we had a "Feelings Group" at work before we went into the field. One of my colleagues said she felt sad that she wasn't sure she could continue to do the things she wanted to do, because it wasn't financially feasible. Unfortunately this comment was misunderstood as a passive aggressive jab at how much we are being paid. In response an administrator suggested that we should be glad we have jobs.

Perhaps it's a generational gap, or perhaps it's a difference in personality. We adventurers are looking for far more than a paycheck. We are looking for an experience, and personal growth. Ultimately we want a balanced happy life that fuels our passions. We are looking for teamwork and community in our jobs. We want that teamwork amongst colleagues at our level as well as with our superiors. Adventurers look around and wonder if the job we love, and the work environment we want will support kids and pay for retirement. Administrator, sir, the worries expressed are far deeper than the current job.

Hugs

I’m an affectionate person. My mom raised me with lots of hugs and kisses and I never grew out of it. I often find myself craving a hug. 

When I first started working at Red Cliff, I was frequently lonely or sad in the field. It was challenging to work in such an emotional capacity while getting so few hugs. Every time my co-staff and I had a meeting I made sure to hug them, more for my sake than theirs. 

There is a time and a place for hugs in the field. Usually at a naming or a knifing the honored student will hug everyone in the circle. Once in a while, a student will ask for a hug for one reason or another. If it is a male student, I always say no. If it is a female student, it depends on the situation. Truly, a professional working with youth does not want to put themselves in a position where anything can be misconstrued. Hugging gets dicey pretty fast. 

It is challenging to see a student obviously hurting and in need of a hug. I’ll give out back pats now and again. If the situation truly merits it, then I’ll tell a sad student to go hug another student in the group. I only suggest hugging a peer if it’s a sad birthday in treatment, or a dog died at home, or anything that would be unusually draining. 

The Red Cliff therapy model does not emphasize warm fuzzy comforts, but I would say that it is very much a nurturing environment. The curriculum is designed to empower students, and the field guides radiate positive, caring vibes. I’ve found that hugging, validation, and attention seeking can all become crutches that people could become overly dependent on. Heavy reliance on affection is often symptomatic of someone who allows other peoples moods to determine their own mood. 

When I started working at Red Cliff it was quickly clear to me that my mood was dependent on the mood of others. This is a very vulnerable place to be in when you’re an authority figure surrounded by upset teenagers. Over the last nine months I’ve become better at maintaining my mood and my sense of self regardless of those I’m surrounded by.  My awareness of this tendency in myself has gone from none to some, which is big. Actually changing this dynamic will probably come incrementally as most emotional change does. I don’t want to stop being a huggy person. I think hugs are good for your health. (Yes, I know CNN is far from scholarly.)  It’s just that I don’t want to be dependent on hugs, or other people’s moods. I want to understand my underlying motivations and act from a wise mind as opposed to react from an emotional space.

Moondance Swan

My colleagues asked me to teach a yoga class in the morning. It was a special time because a few colleagues that usually aren’t around were there, and one dear colleague was moving away. 

After yoga I went to the bathroom, all my friends had left the basement where we practiced. So I followed them upstairs and onto the back porch. There all my friends were in a circle, and they invited me inside.

“A silver light beams down from the heavens, bathing everything in it’s glow. Reflecting the rays of the sun, the Moon shines down over the earth illuminating the night. She dances across the sky in a constant cycle of transition. Despite being ever changing, the Moon has a rhythm to her, each month waking full then waning to darkness to be reborn and being anew. Subtlety is the Moon’s strength, as her gentle presence has a significant effect on something as mighty as the ocean tides. The Moon also serves to teach us about perception, when full some see the face of a man on her surface, while others see a rabbit. In some cultures the Moon has been perceived as having a mysterious, powerful, magical aspect, in other’s she is viewed as being a medium of balance, purity, and reflection.

The swan is a great teacher; one of the most important lessons she offers is about transformation and hope – the belief that anything or anyone possesses the potential for great beauty.

Dark and light. Optimism and pessimism. Gentle and strong. Opposites that complement each other for a more rounded experience. In order to know the joy it is important to understand sadness. Healing brings great relief, but often after pain and suffering. You feel very deeply Jamie, there is much passion in your presence as evidenced by your desire to educate, befriend, empower, and facilitate the growth around you. Sometimes however words cannot express the full meanings of ones feelings. In those times we turn towards other means of expression, moving to the beat of our emotions. Emotions can carry us in many directions positive or negative, each a unique reflection of one’s experience. 

The Moon glows because she reflects the joy and light of the sun. Like the Moon you draw energy from those around you and once combined with your own enthusiasm, jubilance radiates forth. Despite it’s brightest appearance belonging to the night, the Moon is still visible even in daylight. It’s presence a constant reminder that you don’t always have to be the most noticeable presence to still have a strong influence on what surrounds you.

Jamie, the time for the uncertainty of a cygnet is past – you have all the skills and tools you need. It is time for the joyous, confident woman e know to step on stage and when the curtain rises, to take your place in the lights as Moondance Swan. “

I accepted this beautiful gift with much gratitude and hugs.

Naming

At Red Cliff there is a tradition of giving students and staff an Earth name to demarcate a change peers have seen in you. The Earth name honors positive characteristics, and sometimes encourages further change. For the students an Earth name is often a powerful milestone in their journey toward their better self. Staff are often given an Earth name when they become head instructor. 

Being named is a huge gift. The people responsible for naming an individual devote lots of time and thought to the person they are naming. It is a really touching experience, and I usually cry when I see someone get named.

Below is the story of Mike’s naming.

First everyone around is asked to make a circle, and then the person being honored is asked to step into the center of the circle. The person who contributed most to the write up will often read it. Mike’s write up, which explains his name is as follows.

Watered Steel-blade.

The world Perfection calls.

Drunk with The Viper poison

Foes appalls

Cuts lively, burns the blood

Where’er it falls;

And picks up gems from

Pave at Marble halls.

A poem from the Baroque Cycle (Mike and his friends read this series)

Steel. Steel tells a story. All steel from the ground is taken and molded into it’s shape. Singing with it’s maker, becoming whatever it’s told to. Except one steel. No one can make ever make it perfect. No one can bend it to their will. Always it will take on the characteristics of it’s own choosing. At once lost. Though still ancient. The way this steel shines is captivating. A work of art. Creativity within itself. 

Damascus.

Noble, generous, cheerful, you have shown your colors to us all. Quick with wit and always ready to help. Containing a valid opinion on all subjects. Your strength and intuition have guided you well. The elm tree is valued for it’s strength. It’s interlocking grain which makes it resistant to splitting. Resistant to decay. With permanently wet trunks, like Damascus, which ill hold an edge for years. The Elm will grow stronger year after year.

Mike, for your creativity, devotion to bettering yourself, strength, intuition, and much more, we offer you the name, Damascus Elm.

After the reading Mike is asked if he accepts. When Mike accepts then he is symbolically cut out of his old self. When he is ready, he takes a step forward toward his better self.

 

Then the write up is put inside a puwaka made of leather. Finally Mike yells “To the East, I am Damascus Elm, to the North, I am…, to the West…, to the South…., To Father Sky I am Damascus Elm, to Mother Earth I am Damascus Elm, to myself and all my relations I am Damascus Elm.” Then we all hug each other.

Gifting

The students have to complete 8 phases from a therapy book in order to graduate from Red Cliff. Each phase has a variety of tasks including reading, values discussions, writing, and survival skills.

On phase 8 the students are required to offer a gift to anyone of their choosing. The gift has to be well thought out, and include a note that explains why the recipient is important to them. Giving a gift is a big milestone for many Red Cliff students, especially the majority who grow up feeling entitled to their hearts desire.

This week a surprising note came to me. My all-time most challenging student, the one I've learned the most from, the student who dislikes me more than any other student; gave me a gift. This notorious student is none other than the Sally from the previous post. Woah...

This gift was a much appreciated validation on the power of patience, acceptance, confidence, and letting go. I certainly did not shine during every interactions with Sally. I was weary, needed breaks, made mistakes, and doubted. Working with Sally made being in the adult ego state a nearly constant struggle.

That struggle was worth it. I feel bigger now, and something in the way we interacted must have helped Sally grow too. In her note to me Sally thanked me for my help and support. Sally said she appreciated her time with me and wished me a life of joy.

Below is a photo of the bracelet she made me out of hemp and beads.

Oh, Sally....

The last time I went into work, I dove in for a double. That's sixteen consecutive days in the southern Utah desert with troubled teenagers. I was really nervous about my capacity to function well out there for so long. I thought I would become reactive and impatient by the end of my two weeks.

 

Fortunately I had the best possible double. The weather was mid 80's and clear the entire time. Such a blessing. My group was very functional too. I would say that I got a bit impatient, but the result was that I didn't put as much energy into the kids. Which is fine, the students need to figure things out for themselves, and I  need to take care of myself.

During my two weeks I worked with same girls group. It was great to be able to get to know the students that much better. A few of the girls took a little longer to open up. I was also better able to identify patterns which were helpful to the students therapy.

There is no reason for me to do a double again. Anyway, I don't think I could get so lucky with the weather and the group twice. But I do feel stronger and more capable.

One of the girls I worked with on my double, Sally, was part of my shitty week. Sally is extremely manipulative, rebellious, attention seeking, and volatile . Therapists suspect that Sally has boarderline personality disorder. It's important to keep really solid boundaries with Sally and communicate assertively.

It took a long time and lots of testing for Sally to realized I wouldn't flinch because she called me a bitch or cried or asked why. I had to realize that the minute I tried to reason with Sally, then I was empowering her. I had to state my directives confidently and then disengage. By the end of two weeks Sally was mostly compliant.

This job has helped me be more stable while others are feeling uncomfortable. I hate it when people are mad at me; even when I know that the angry person isn't being fair or logical. It's hard for me to remain confident when someone is having an emotional outpour. This job forces me to be more less emotional and have firmer boundaries, otherwise the kids eat you alive. I need to carry these budding skills further. I still have trouble with confidence and boundaries during hiking, and in my personal life.