Things I learned

I’m still reflecting on all the things that I learned in France and I’ve been thinking about all the wonderful opportunities I had to learn what it means to establish boundaries. Teaching has helped me learn the difference between when I’m really hurting people’s feelings, and when I am being manipulated into sacrificing my boundaries.

I’m also learning how to sit with “negative” emotions as well as witnessing someone else’. Previously when someone was sad or disappointed, I had a really hard time. I felt guilty even when I had nothing at all to do with the situation.

Teaching has been integral to asserting my boundaries. If I sent a student back to the real teacher or if I confiscated something I was inevitably greeted with, “I didn’t do anything. No Miss, please! I’ll stop, I promise…” etc etc. It’s pitiful. The kid always looked genuinely disappointed and stressed. However I ceased to view myself as the cause of this stress. I always gave plenty of chances, explanations, and warning. If the kid is getting something confiscated or if they were sent out of class, they definitely earned it. I’ve learned that if I don’t set limits other kids take liberties. Punishment is a chance to teach the kids about respect and boundaries. It also shows the students that learning is an opportunity. I never yelled when I sent kids out of class. I explain that they have had plenty of chances and that they acted in a way that had a negative impact on the learning environment. I also remind the student that they can redeem themselves the next time we have class together.

The other thing that has helped me be less afraid of hurting someone is dancing in clubs. Dancing in clubs is different from social dance. The music doesn’t stop, the floor is more crowded and nobody asks someone else to dance, it is just dance.

Communication is almost entirely nonverbal. Eye contact and smiles invite someone to dance. Some men approach a little too forcefully and were never invited. At first I tried passive ways to say “no thanks I don’t want to dance.” I would move my position in the crowd, turn my back on the person, take a more active approach to dancing with someone else etc. Unfortunately, there is usually some guy who doesn’t get it. He comes up and touches without making eye contact. When this happens I’ve taken to flat out pushing the guy away from me. This has always been significantly forceful to discourage future contact. I think it intimidates other nice perhaps less confident guys who might want to dance with me, but oh well.

Dancing in clubs has also forced me to say no to people. I hate saying no! I realized how bad I was at saying no the first time someone asked me for my number and I gave it to him because I didn’t know what else to do. Now, if someone asks if they can see me again or if they can have my number I have all kinds of reasons why I can’t. He doesn’t need to know that I think it is shallow to ask me on a date without ever having a conversation with me.

Even if the guy is bad at other non-verbal conversation, I’ve learned that they can pick up on the way I say no. It was so difficult for me to say no at the start that I wouldn’t look at the guy and or I would smile. These subtle non-verbal’s give the guy the impression that I’m not serious and so he persists. Now I’m better at saying no firmly yet without being mean

Colorado

I’ve been in Colorado since May 8th. I was happily surprised that my mom was here. I was expecting her, but I didn’t think she would be here right away. It was great to be with mom for mother’s day! While mom was here we went to the Denver aquarium, went for a walk, ate good diners, and went to a neat town. After mom left we went to a picnic for Sam’s work, had a garage sale, and yesterday…

My sister, Sam, his brother (Doug), Aedan, the twins, and I all went fishing at a reservoir. The lake was stunning, with red rock formations everywhere. We hiked about ten minutes along a trail to our fishing site. I was so proud of Jenn for wanting to come and having a good time. We were quite the caravan hiking down that trail bringing baby carriers and a cooler with a 2.5 year old toddling along. I got Jenn and the twins all set up with some shade.

Jenn spent most of the time relaxing with the twins and reading magazines. Aedan kept saying “Fiiiish! Fiiish!” He loved throwing rocks in the water and rock climbing too. The big boys fished. I was all over the place; fishing, climbing, walking, taking pictures, and relaxing with Jennifer.

The whole day was perfect. Perfect company, perfect weather, perfect food, perfect place. We all had a good time and at the end of the day everyone had satisfied tiredness.
We are in high gear packing and cleaning the house now. The kids, Jennifer, Doug, the cat, and I drive to Illinois on May 26th. Jana graduates May 31st, and I leave for Washington June 12th. Work starts at the Farm June 17th.

New York City

New York City is like something out of Wonderland.

I stayed at a hostel in Harlem. The first day I was so exhausted that I went to the bank, and went to bed. Fortunately as I laid down I met some great people who kept me up talking and joking otherwise I would have been crashed out by 6:30pm. I think I made it to about 8pm, but I can’t remember falling asleep. I regained consciousness at 4am.

I set out at 7:30am on Wednesday May 6th for a lovely day of shock and awe. I walked through Central Park, and I wanted to spend all day their, but the city was calling. I adore the juxtaposition between Nature and city. I ate a delicious American breakfast for the first time in 7 months, and then I was the first in line for the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

It was a dream to go to the Met. I spent six glorious hours their, and I didn’t even scratch the surface. The Met has paragraph long descriptions for nearly every piece of art, and there is over 100 hours of audio commentary. By the time I left was super hungry. Additionally I was experiencing information and visual overstimulation. I think I have an art problem, I should have left earlier, but there was always one more thing to see. When I finally reached a breaking point, I was utterly lost and had to ask two people where the exit was.

After the Met I approached the giant buildings. I have never felt so insignificant next to man-made objects. It’s normal to feel insignificant next to the ocean, mountains, or in an open meadow under stars, but feeling smaller than a speck amongst buildings seems twisted. I felt like I was in a giant house without a roof. I was supposed to meet a friend, but without a phone communication was difficult and I think we were both confused as to where we were meeting. So after the art I floated around for several hours and I made it back to my hostel at around 8pm.

I made plans to go out Wednesday night with one of the people I was chatting with on Tuesday night, and by the time I got back to the hostel I was ready to make my excuses for staying in, but another chat renewed my energy. So off we went with another amazing lady to a jazz club. It was awesome!!! I want to come back to NYC and work in a jazz club. I’ll spend my days in the MET.

The three of us had such a good time together Wednesday night that we spent Thursday together too. We rode the Satan Island Ferry, wandered Times Square, and Wall Street. Thursday was incredible! Good company and fantastic sights.

Time Square is outstanding in every sense of the word. I’ve never seen anything like it. There are billboards everywhere. The shops in Time Square compete to be the flashiest too. The Toys R Us has a ferris wheel and you better believe we rode it! Time Square also has an entire three story shop dedicated to the cult of M &M’s. It includes a mood reader based on the colors of M&M’s. You can buy M&M’s by the color in dispensers that run from the ceiling to the floor. There is M&M; t-shirts, jewelry, office supplies, toys, and much more.

We walked past the World Trade Center site. It’s shocking that 8 years are already gone. The firefighters memorial was impactful, especially the notes and pictures that people left. Before we closed out our day we watched the moon rise, and the sun set.

Friday the 8th I was all to happy and relieved to be with my family.

Dublin

I left my wonderful friends in Metz before dawn on Saturday May 2nd. My tears must have made the driver uncomfortable because he turned up the music too loud. Fortunately things went smoothly at the airport, and I was reminded yet again that worry is useless. I was greeted by sunshine in downtown Dublin at 12pm and I checked into a random hostel that the shuttle driver pointed me to. It was the dirtiest hostel I’ve ever stayed in, but I think I’m better off for the experience.

After I check-in, I wandered around the city. I visited the Museum of Decorative Arts, where I learned that clovers are a very genuine part of Irish culture. I’m always skeptical when a symbol is so pervasive that it is cliché. When I arrived in Dublin, I thought the clover was hyped up for tourists, at the Museum of Decorative Arts, I realized that it has been used on clothing, jewelry, house wares, etc long before mass tourism.

I stopped at the Guinness Storehouse after the museum. I was impressed by the giant waterfall on the tour and all the turquoise beams. I learned how to properly pour a Guinness, and I enjoyed the Red while looking out on the small town of Dublin.

There is a reason that the doors in Dublin are renown. The architecture in Dublin just isn’t interesting. It is charming, but it doesn’t inspire pictures. Most of the city is made of small red brick buildings. It screams working class. I saw statues that glorified labor, and wondered if work was the only thing that united the Irish Catholics and Irish Protestants during the most violent bits of Irish history.

Sunday I took a hop-on hop-off bus tour and I saw the National Gallery as well as the Museum of Modern Art. I was lucky enough to have another day of sun. Monday I spent all day gift shopping for mom and Marla, but to no avail. It was a rainy bank holiday, so options were limited.
I met some interesting people in the hostel, but nobody who was up for hanging out. There was a group of girls from Uganda who were living in the hostel while pursuing a masters degree. I thought they were really strong. Another woman was living in the hostel who had been traveling for the last 25 years. She was 48 and super jaded.

I was ecstatic about the whole driving on the right side bit. I had an overwhelming desire to be a passenger, but I knew if this dream was realized, it would only lead to the urge to drive. Driving would be a danger to myself and others, so I did the responsible thing and didn’t go out of my way to pursue a drive. After all I nearly died at twice because I looked the wrong way while crossing the street

Mostly I was sad and lonely in Dublin. I know that influences the way I view the city, but I’m convinced that Dublin isn’t the most interesting thing about Ireland. I would love to go back and tour the island. When I checked into my flight to NYC and exchanged money I was so overwhelmed to be heading toward home after such an incredible 7 months that I cried.

Bus

It’s always a thrill to ride the bus in France. The roads are so small. Holding my breath as the driver squeezes through some seemingly impossible situation is a regular occurrence. Drivers dress classy in France too. A lot of them wear ties and slacks.

The city bus drivers have a lot of friends. Despite the ban on cell phones while driving, I regularly see drivers talking on the phone, or even more impressive, texting. It’s always fun to watch a women get her flirt on with the male drivers for the entire duration of the ride. Flirting is in flagrant disregard for the sign that says it is prohibited to chat with the driver. Female drivers are less common and seem to be more professional.

The buses that travel on the highway and through different towns are stick shifts. I was in complete awe the first time I saw this. I took a picture incase my dear readers were in disbelief. This picture was taken while I was on a class field trip. Everyone in the bus knew me, so it wasn’t too weird that I was taking a picture of the driver. I want to take pictures of drivers flirting, or tinkering with their cell phones but I haven’t had a good opportunity.

Bars

I’m growing to love bars. The concept was lost on me prior to living in France. I thought, “Why pay double for a beer so that I can sit and talk? I can drink beer at home and talk.”

There was a time when I thought going out was pointless if there wasn’t a dance floor. I still feel this way about Friday and Saturday night. We can start the night in a bar, but I like to finish on the dance floor.

Going out is capitalist and bourgeoisie, but I for example am not allowed to have guests in my dorm past 11pm. Boy guests are absolutely forbidden. Thus, going out has moved up on the priority list. There are other benefits though. The person going out can control when they arrive and when they leave. This is particularly important on week nights. If you invite someone to your house, you open yourself to a longer night than expected.

Additionally the energy changes when one goes out. Maybe I’m too much of a busy body but home seems a little to normal, to comfortable. When I’m home I automatically slip into my quiet self. Inviting people over seems to go against the grain.

By contrast when I go out the environment is stimulating. My friends are their, and I might unexpectedly run into other acquaintances or I could meet new people. Crowed watching is always a highlight. I adore hellos, good-byes, and laughing. My absolute favorite thing to see is singing and dancing in bars not specifically designed for such activities. So, cheers to bars!

Cell Phone

I found a cell phone on the bus, so I took it home and called the number that said “Pappa”. We made arrangements for him to recuperate the cell phone, and I was thanked relentlessly. When the man came to get the cell phone he insisted on paying me. When politely refusing failed I resorted to shoving the money in his sweater pocket and running up stairs as fast as I could.

I was disappointed that he wanted to pay me. I tried to explain that it was normal to return something that wasn’t mine especially something as important as a cell phone. I hate the feeling that so much is motivated by money. It’s despicable to assign monetary value to life, the environment, and normal community interactions. Where is the humanity in that?

It’s necessary to understand money and basic economics in our society. I know that I have more to learn about economics. Economics isn’t just money, its cost benefit analysis and diminishing returns on all things. I highly recommend “Freakonomics” I don’t believe society nationally or internationally has reached a balance with money. Our relationship to money is skewed and it has poisoned things. Critiques of money are not new, and I’m not interested in offering something else on the topic.

I’m interested in learning economics, learning the critiques, and combining them with ideas of culture and socialization, to encourage a realignment of values.